Everybody has them. You know, that day when one bad thing happens, and then every other possible bad thing also happens. Or at least that’s what it feels like. It the day where you’ve just had enough- emotionally, physically, mentally- you’re just spent. Yeah, those are the worst days, yet somehow I feel like those are the best days (in hindsight of course).
It is these days that bring me to my knees and make me cry out to God. I’ll give you a personal example.
I have been hugely blessed this year job-wise. I got my certification to become a substitute teacher in the summer, just so that I could make some money as I look for a real job since subbing doesn’t pay much per hour. (like $11 or $12) However interim subbing more than doubles the pay. Anyhow so I get a job subbing one day, and it just so happens that a teacher was going out on maternity leave and her interim sub fell through so the principle asked me if I’d be interested in doing that, and I said DEFINITELY because money. Turns out subbing/teaching– yeah, not for me. So I do this interim sub job until the end of January and I am like, “Yes! Thank the Lord! Praise Jesus! Finally it’s over!” Well then my principle calls me down again and asks me if I would want to sub for another teacher until the end of the year, and I said yes because I knew they were in a bind and I still needed income and I had spoken to God about leading me to a new job as my first interim job came to a close and He clearly brought this job right into my lap. So I listened to his leading and took the job. So I have been financially stable and that has been a huge blessing.
Now here is the thing, I feel like I am not called to teach, it is hard for me to keep the class under control, it seems like my students are doing poorly grade-wise. And that just makes me feel like I am under a lot of pressure because I want to do a good job. I want to do a good job and it seems like I am not. Every day is harder than the day before with managing the students, and I don’t know what to do to fix it, and it just drains me somedays. And I feel like I can’t keep doing this job. Like I physically can’t. I mentally can’t. – And that’s one thing I told God, I said that if one of my students continued to attend the school I would not be able to continue, I would have to quit. And lo and behold, the student had transferred to another school. – It’s the day where you cannot help but cry. It’s the day where you tell God, “I can’t do this anymore.”
That’s exactly where God wants you. (wants me) I can’t rely on myself. Not for this job not for anything. I feel like my back is against the wall, but that is where God does his best work. My favorite stories in the Bible are always the underdog stories because I feel very much like an underdog. I love the story when God tells Moses to go to Pharaoh and Moses tells God that he is not good at speaking and God responds with, “Who hath made man’s mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the Lord? ” (Ex. 4:11 KJV) We don’t have to come into a situation with our own strength because our greatest strength is that we have Christ, or more so that Christ has us. Or in Judges 7 when God sent Gideon off to battle and kept cutting down the number of his army until he was down to only 300 men. Why? So that God could show his power, so that we know that His strength is made perfect in our weakness, and so that He gets all the glory when the work is done.
I still don’t feel like I am doing a great job at work but I am completely resting in Christ. I am doing the best I can through him. Always trying to do what I do to the glory of God.